You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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