she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
