I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
