Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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