i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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