I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
