Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
