last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
