He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
