I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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