Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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