I didn't shave. On purpose
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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