I just saw a hot homeless man
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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