i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
