I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
