that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
