U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
