Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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