So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
