Your dad touched me again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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