We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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