what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
me + whiskey = a bad person
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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