I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
