watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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