I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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