I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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