Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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