the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
