Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
