New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
