Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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