why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
