Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
