it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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