my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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