my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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