Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
