grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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