So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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