Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
