did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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