I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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