I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
