Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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