I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I faked an abortion last night.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
