I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
