The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
