david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im six kinds of drunk right now
We need to rekindle our bromance
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
