she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my being single is dangerous.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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