we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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