I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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