why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
