i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
